2025-05-25 #
I have some
half-baked thoughts on the
current AI hype, especially since I am so exposed to it at work. First
of all, LLMs have nothing close to what might be approaching general
intelligence. I disagree with the
scaling hypothesis,
even the weaker form of intelligence, dubbed emergent behavior, is
dependent on us perceiving it as such.
Furthermore, I think that LLMs will do far more harm than good, because
it will be used for the total surveillance of society, crushing dissent,
and killing people. Companies like Palantir already do so, and
aren't even afraid of admitting it. It will also be used to defer human decisions to a machine, which
reinforces the idea that humans serve the machine, not the other way
around...
2025-05-24 #
Work is taking its toll on my psyche. It's strange that this same
wetware is used for my schizo, dark artwork and writings. I've been
struggling to find the energy to work on arts. It's said that people
only have a few spoons per day, exertions of mental or physical effort
which a person with chronic illnesses or disabilities only have a few to
allocate per day. I've been using up all my spoons on work lately.
I've read two books about U.G. Krishnamurti, Goner, and
UG Says: Everyday Thoughts from UG Krishnamurti. Both quite
entertaining, especially his irreverence towards holy men. He rejects
the entirety of spiritual teaching, or divine knowledge, and yet he does
not come off as a hard materialist. He criticizes Western society as
using or abusing technology for the subjugation of other societies, and
themselves.
I have no faith, and remain unconvinced that religion has much answers
for me. The institutions, from clergies, governments, to corporations,
are all basically trying to control people, they give an arbitrary model
of the ideal citizen (or nowadays, the ideal consumer). All want to
indoctrinate subjects to their own beliefs, it's so hard to find anyone
who is their own person.
2025-05-16 #
How can someone force someone else to lie on their behalf and still
believe that they are the good guy? Surviving in this Hell realm
requires complying to a system that one had never consented to, and the
penalty of non-compliance can seem completely arbitrary, but always
based on how much of a threat one is to the system. There are so many
misguided people who still think that they live in a free society, while
they wear masks to appear the same as others.
2025-05-14 #
Nigga,
heil Hitler.
I have nothing in common with this totalitarian despot, but I have to
side with Kanye. The song has not much to do with the merits of national
socialism, but about embracing the devil of the enemy as your God.
2025-05-07 #
“Western civilization is a loaded gun pointed at the head of this
planet.” ― Terence McKenna
When I say that this world is a
prison planet, I mean it also
literally, this place is a prison inside and out. Prisoners do not have
any reasonable expectation of privacy, they may have the privilege of
working for a pittance, they may be brutalized by other prisoners which
is also a feature of the system. These are not desirable living
conditions for anyone but the top out-of-sight elite, the rest of us are
convinced that our neighbors are our enemies.
2025-05-01 #
I had a dream last month about a soldier tied to a pole, getting shot
repeatedly at point blank, seeming to have no reaction, until the last
agonal breaths. His executioner was another soldier, with no expression,
carrying out the execution as if he was slaughtering an animal. The
nonchalance of both soldiers was disturbing, particularly the one being
executed. There was no panic, or pleading for life, as if he had
absolutely no thoughts. The condemned man took on death with complete
indifference, no emotions. I had thought that perhaps he was really an
NPC, or the most stoic man that ever lived.
2025-04-27 #
I've been (un)living in
bugman central of the world
for a while, I will always feel that this place is foreign to me.
Survival here demands conformity, it doesn't matter what you conform to
as long as you conform. It's a place where you get to know the fleeting
nature of everything, as people and things just sort of appear and
disappear, it would be hard to notice that someone disappeared at all.
The modern world is excessively busy, and so concerned with
techne. I keep thinking back to Jacque Ellul's
The Technological Society, how it necessarily leads to a
brutally regimented way of living, that it could hardly be called
living. Even simple things, such as refusing to use an alarm clock, is a
tiny rebellion against Big Clock.
2025-04-12 #
When I was younger, I was more concerned with finding myself, what it
means to be a Chinese person in USA. I've known that it is a hostile
place, that some day I'll face great struggle due to my identity which I
had no choice in being. The problem isn't most Americans, but the people
in power are eager to turn us against each other. They necessarily have
to screw over certain groups of people, to advance their interests.
I wish that the USA didn't exist in its current form, but that is
wishful thinking, or I simply don't know if I am wishing for the
downfall of the Soviet Union in the 1980s. My own opinions are rather
insignificant, a lot of people's opinions really don't matter until they
form a cohesive group, but it is nearly impossible to organize these
days, as everything is easily subverted by the low information
environment.
Perhaps I simply hold my opinions because it is the only thing that
can't be taken from me, unless they manage to break my spirit somehow.
So many natural responses to unnatural condtions are not permissible in
today's society, it's not a surprise that people are rebelling in less
obvious ways, such as never having children. I am very much not an
activist, perhaps an anti-activist, against this world. It's this
passive resistance which is all I can do.
2025-04-09 #
My main doubt about U.G. Krishnamurti's assertion that there is no self
is if that's true, why is it accompanied by the experience of being? It
would make more sense if this experience is not real to me, if I didn't
suffer pain. This goes back to Chalmer's
hard problem of consciousness, rejected by materialists. I know I have not suffered the most extreme
pains, and I wouldn't want to, but other people have. The pain
experienced by other people is not real to me, it is something I can
only know empathetically but not experientially. And yet, I have no
right or reason to deny the pain of other people's experiences.
The human experience imposes a sort of selflessness, obligations arise
out of nothing. I am born into an ethnicity and somehow I owe an
allegiance to my extended kin, born into debt to a society which
enslaves me, and owe respect to some distant authority figures whose
existence can not be justified by me. To bear the burden of the cross,
why? As if some naive optimism about eternal life is a reward; the
promised fulfillment of the desire for permanent happiness as long as
one believes in the right religion.
I've had
this song
stuck in my head for a few days, I am a sucker for soft/loud dynamics,
beautiful melodies and harsh vocals.
2025-04-08 #
I've been binge-watching
vewn's videos, can't believe
I didn't discover her art until recently. I've watched
SNOOZE QUEST
quite a few times already, really captures the insanity of modern life.
Ambient fears being made known, like being fined for self-harm, can't do
that because it's illegal, or being punished for refusing to
behave normal style.
2025-04-05 #
The world is a terrible place because of our inability to understand one
another. The transformation of most of the West but especially the USA
into a zero trust society with little to no shared values guarantees
that the status quo can not continue. You never know when or if someone
is going to shove you on the train tracks at the subway station.
Money is simultaneously real and fake: arguably the true God that people
worship now, but also having no intrinsic value anymore (fiat currency).
The dullest people I know obsess over money, and most rich people I have
met are not particularly bright. And yet without money, any exchange of
value would simply fall back to social connections and status.
My own life is an utter absurdity to me, if there is something directing
the course of my life, that entity is a master manipulator and a sadist.
I am more inclined to believe in a malevolent God, or Yaldabaoth as the
Gnostics believed, than something which is omnipotent and
perfect.
2025-03-30 #
Whether God exists or not is irrelevant to me, perhaps even as
irrelevant as whether other people believe in God. Sometimes I speak as
if gods exist, but this is meant rhetorically. The
Pleroma may as well
exist as a hypothetical, as if thinking it exists wills it into being,
much like mathematics. A thought which can not be expressed, also may as
well not exist. If people did not exist, there would be no God, we
willed Him into being.
U.G. Krishnamurti deconstructed heaven as the desire for permanent
happiness, similar to how I've written before that the sensation of
pleasure can not be long-lived. The human desire for permanence and
happiness, and avoidance of pain is foundational to most religious
beliefs. Avoidance of pain is foundational to antinatalism, and other
forms of philosophical pessimism.
It had always made sense to me that the bugman wasting his time playing
video games, and the successful businessman establishing generational
wealth, are both channeling the same innate desire in different ways,
but one is more rewarded by society. In fact, many jobs provide little
to no tangible value: storytellers of all kinds like actors and writers,
athletes, entertainers, prostitutes, etc. This is to say that it is a
foolish and false assumption that what is rewarded by society is
valuable.
2025-03-19 #
I had lunch today with a few friends, all of whom have the privilege of
concealed carry of a pistol in an otherwise forbidden area. When asked why I don't have one, I responded that it is because I do
not want to grovel to the state for what should be my natural right. I
think that even among my pro 2nd amendment friends, they may not
understand the purpose or intent of it, and it isn't to LARP around as
some kind of protector.
I've had a lot of half-baked thoughts about how just firearms are
ineffective against an oppressor state, as all the guns in the world
can't do anything without will. Although the United States was founded
on violent revolution, a fact that is often forgotten, I'm not convinced
that political bloodshed would do much to fix this country. Quite a few
people I know think that civil war or some low-intensity conflict is
coming, but in my opinion it won't happen because nobody is really
hopeful that a revolution is possible. At this point, the state needs to
prop up controlled opposition against itself to keep the illusion going.
The world that even the previous generation lived through is long gone.
Humanity as a whole lives under the most totalitarian regimes that ever
existed. They have us thinking that political ideology is still
relevant, that our opinions or our votes matter, and new secular
religions are the gospel truth. A failed state is a superpower.
"We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine
right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human
beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our
art, the art of words." - Ursula K. Le Guin
2025-03-11 #
I've been working on this game,
Trial 20XX. I was inspired a
bit by Kafka for the plot (if there is one), Infantry for the gameplay,
and CoD zombies for the meta-game. The Kafka reference is obvious: The
Trial, but it takes place in 21st century. It is unknown or it doesn't
matter what the unnamed protagonist is charged with, he is guilty until
proven innocent. When he goes to the priest, rather than telling him a
parable ("Before the Law"), he is given the option to have a trial by
judicial combat, in the medieval Germanic tradition. Let 𐤉𐤄𐤅𐤄 decide who
shall be judged before the law.
2025-03-04 #
I added a moodboard of images that
make me feel alienation. If this world is all there is, it's a sad
reality. Even if there's something more than this world, this world
would still be all that matters, here and now.
It is very difficult to go through life without wearing a mask, so much
that those who are truthful are punished. It can take a certain degree
of dishonesty to get a job, almost mandatory for politicians and
bureaucrats. Relationships can be built on manipulation,
misunderstanding the other person's motives. The parasite class depends
on deception: rent-seeking and rent extraction, so much that entire
economies can be built on contributing nothing of value (FIRE economy).
It just never made sense to me to seek status, or hoard fiat currency,
or try to assert dominance over others. These zero-sum or even
negative-sum games actively harm the losers of these games, the only
winning move is not to play. Poor political systems don't promote the
most capable, meritous, and ethical people to leadership, just the most
ruthless. There's a word for how most of the Western world is run:
Kakistocracy,
it's the
Peter principle
taken to the logical conclusion.
2025-02-27 #
I've been studying the Bible and going to church lately, arriving at the
same perspective as when I first read the Bible: I believe that much of
it is a distortion of truth but it is a foundational text anyways. It
has left me with little to no answers or comfort, on the contrary, many
narratives I find highly disagreeable such as moral law handed down from
a deity, or the necessity of blood sacrifice to atone for sin. God
creates both the problem (sin) and the solution (accepting Jesus's blood
sacrifice), which I see as a logical tautology. The usual answer is that
one has to abandon reason and resort to faith, which I can not truly
accept.
Gnosticism seems more intuitively true, but it is obvious why it could
not be a mainstream religion: people would prefer to believe in pretty
lies, over truth or divine knowledge. Having blind faith as the path to
salvation, is a lot easier than understanding anything. The assumption
that this is a deeply flawed realm resonates with me. There is a whole
train of thought, philosophical pessimism, elaborated upon by Arthur
Schopenhauer, Emil Cioran, Peter Zapffe, Philipp Mainländer, et al.
which challenge innate biases towards the world, even the notion that
life has positive value.
Every virtue, such as love, can only exist within ourselves. One can not
experience love from the perspective of another person, it can only be
known experientially from the first person. Even when receiving
undeserved love or agapic love, one must project or imagine
what it may be like to be so selfless. The golden rule,
do unto others as you would have them do unto you, holds when
we understand that we are part of the same consciousness, it is the same
as treating oneself well, but many people are evidently quite
self-destructive.
There's a survival video game,
Rust where the player can't
customize their character's appearance at all. This is a great design
decision that reflects reality, nobody chooses the body they spawn into.
The prejudice that people face regarding physical beauty, ethnicity,
gender, is unnecessary cruelty. However, this is an unnecessarily cruel
world that will trap people into remaining at lower levels of
consciousness.
2025-02-23 #
I've been going to a local antique faire for a while now, I never buy
anything but it calms me down to know that most things are essentially
junk waiting to be pawned off or trashed at some indefinite time.
Material things can seem so sentimental, nostalgic for a better time
that may have never existed.
Multiple vendors were selling metallic Buddha statues, I was tempted to
take one home with me. The chance of escaping reincarnation through
enlightenment seems infinitesimally small in each lifetime, that it
would make more sense that the cessation of life on Earth would be more
beneficial than continuing to exist. If I had the ultimate power, I
would choose to do the most noble thing for humanity, which would be
carrying out human extinction.
It never ceases to astonish me that I've made it this far in life, that
I haven't died from some horrible accident, murder, or disease. Perhaps
I've died many times already, but I'm just experiencing the timeline in
which I survive, until I can survive no longer. I think that most
spirituality is about giving one strength to be laughing at the gallows
before their own execution. People can seem so happy on the outside, but
no matter what, life always finds a way to crush one's spirit.
2025-02-21 #
There's the idea that
complex systems won't survive the competence crisis, but I think it is largely unproven. Technological society only
spirals into exponential complexity, with no sign of ever slowing down.
Rules only get more complex on purpose so that you're always in
violation of something, it's just up to the enemy to enforce strict
compliance in their heavily bureaucratic, totalitarian system.
One way to define a social collapse is a rapid simplification in
everything. During a real collapse, there won't be electronic payments,
just-in-time delivery, Byzantine rules and regulations, homeowner
associations, busybody institutions... things would simply devolve into
lowest common denominators. Nothing short of a major military conflict,
natural disaster, or economic turmoil would cause the USA to collapse.
The people are yearning for change, but for change to happen, they need
to change themselves. Nothing short of truly austere conditions is going
to change hearts and minds, and by then it would be too late. There is
no rationale for the oppressed to pay taxes to the same government which
oppresses them with their own tax money, other than the implicit threat
of violence.
2025-02-19 #
The modern world just seems to churn out nothing but NPCs. I have lived
for nothing, and my death may be for nothing, as in I'll just die alone
in some dwelling by myself. Something about how the world is run,
rewards nothing but conformity in every domain.
Someone I used to love once described me as overly pessimistic, I think
I would agree. My will-to-die motivates me more than my will-to-live,
living in fear, the void beckons to me. I can't be gaslighted into
believing that life has positive value, I would crawl back into the womb
and die there if I could.
I have come to despise not just consumerism but even owning things.
You will own nothing and be happy was actually something I
could get along with. The lifecycle of most stuff is that it ends up in
a landfill, not owning stuff prevents being responsible for that. This
Japanese minimalist guy
was right.
2025-02-17 #
The white-collar wageslave experience: paying rent and bills, staring at
a screen all day long. Does it get any better? It can certainly be a lot
worse. What did Jesus mean by "the Father's kingdom is within you and it
is outside you" (Thomas 3)? Heaven in this realm, within me and outside
of me... sounds a bit like panpsychism.
I am profoundly dissatisfied with this life, but not quite enough to
have an exit plan. There's the possibility of being happy while being
broke and homeless, how do I manifest the heavenly state of mind? What
is really meant by not tasting death?
Did
Jacobo Grinberg
have the answer, and was able to exercise his knowledge? Or was he
forced into disappearance?
2025-02-15 #
I've read the apocryphal text, the
Gospel of Thomas, after knowing about it since I was a teenager. It challenges the
reader with this opening:
Whoever discovers what these sayings mean will not taste death.
There is so much in here which is meant to elicit the truth, but the
truth can not be simply told in words, it must be understood in the
spirit, it must be internalized.
But the kingdom is inside you and it is outside you. When you know
yourselves, then you will be known, and you will understand that you are
children of the living father. But if you do not know yourselves, then
you dwell in poverty and you are poverty.
This passage is very similar to Luke 17:20-21; the esoteric is present
in the exoteric. What I had intuitively known since I was a child,
having known other denominations like Jehovah's witnesses, is that Jesus
had esoteric, mystical messages which were only meant to be heard by
those willing to hear it. It can't just be read and understood, as a
literal reading would make no sense, nor could it be expressed purely in
human language. His teachings have been intentionally obscured by
followers, persecutors, and authorities to mask the truth to suit their
teleological ends.
2025-02-12 #
It is futile to resist atomization, one must embrace it headfirst by
staring into screens for all waking hours, surviving on nutrient sludge
and dwelling in a tiny bugman living quarter by oneself. There is a
reason why totalitarians are so obsessed with destroying communal,
social, familial bonds: so that the state can intrude in every aspect of
one's life.
I think that the
AI surveillance state
(2024) is already the present. I have had visions of this since around
2012-2013, before the Snowden leaks, but was anyone really surprised?
Corporate oligarchs are promoting such technology because of the
lucrative government contracts that they may secure to trample over
privacy and abusing citizens.
2025-02-11 #
I find myself agreeing with Henry David Thoreau's politics and
worldview, but even after de jure slavery was abolished, we now
have economic slavery. I feel more and more determined that detachment
from worldly possessions, relationships, is necessary to reduce
suffering. It is the same reason why Thoreau lived such a simple life,
to have less to lose, and contribute less to a system that necessarily
abuses people to perpetuate itself.
Men have resisted immoral authority since the earliest civilizations,
and have been persecuted unjustly, and will continue to do so in the
indefinite future. It's the curse of the most intelligent, moral,
conscious to bear the burden of resisting evil. What defines a
normie is the strong desire for conformity to social norms for
the safety it brings, at the expense of both liberty and safety.
So much popular media is portrayed from the perspective of "terrorists"
as protagonists: Morpheus's crew was hunted by agents in the Matrix, the
rebels in Star Wars were fighting against the empire, activists are
hunted by secret police in V for Vendetta. But in reality? Conformity
and obedience to all forms of corruption.
What is even the endgame of the dark powers of this world? Just to
become more powerful, so that they may abuse their power even more?
There is no end to megalomania.
2025-02-08 #
I visited ████████ (bugman central of the world) for a
few days, and it was what I had expected. There is something deeply
unsettling about the hive cities of this world, one can't help but think
that any random bugman could be squashed and nobody would care or
notice. It really gives the sense that everyone is dependent on a
system, that needs to abuse everyone to keep the system functioning.
In fact the inhabitants of bugman central seem to not care or think
about life beyond the material, life is all about work, investments,
material possessions, and slaving away for the system. I really can't
help but feel like an alien in these artificial high density
environments. The bugmen aren't even aware that they are trapped not
only in a metal cage, but a materialist, secular state of mind.
To be fair, most religion and spirituality is woo-woo and lies intended
to placate the masses. It's so strange to think that some random farmer
in 19th century Joseon dynasty Korea who could have never heard of the
Bible lived their entire life and died, and would be judged and
sentenced to eternal damnation for their ignorance of Jesus Christ. Only
Christian missionaries and the American military taking over their
country in the 20th century could have saved them. This doesn't
seem like a benevolent God who wants everyone to be saved.
Submitting to authority, even when one doesn't agree, has never sat
right with me. Submission to the status quo foregoes the possibility of
a better world. A world where humanity doesn't serve dominance
hierarchies, or live in the pod and eat goyslop. Bringing
children into this Hell realm feels morally wrong, despite what any
religion may say. My parents don't see it, they want me to reproduce,
perhaps they won't budge on their worldview until I am crucified.
2025-02-02 #
I've been reading this guy's blog lately,
Beneath the Pavement. Modern life is unjust and cruel in ways that we're unable to fully
express. I particularly resonate with this article
To Conform and To Perform, one can do no harm to any person, hurt no one, steal nothing, but by
refusing to surrender to the status quo, one will be crushed by the
system. There's no exit, everyone is trapped in this techno-feudal
society. One commenter writes:
The system spares no resources in trampling down any dissent. There is
no justice, no separation of powers - there is rampant abuse of power
and secrecy.
I find fault in mainstream Christian thought that one must submit to and
obey their government no matter how arbitrary and oppressive it is,
claiming divine authority (Romans 13:1). It's passages from the Bible
like Colossians 3:22 which tells slaves to be good slaves, that earns
the pejorative slave morality as Nietzsche calls it.
This is an equivocation that justifies how life on Earth can't be good
for so many people, because it grants tyrants carte blanche,
and invalidates resistance against tyranny as rebellion against God. In
this regard, I think that Christianity has held humanity back by
providing the moral and spiritual basis for tyranny. The teachings of
Paul point in the direction of a God that wants its people to allow
oppression and death as long as it is ordained by the state. The decline
of the Christian faith in modern times is deserved, but most dangerous
without a viable alternative, as people end up worshipping science,
technology, money or material things in an increasingly secular world.
By deferring any retribution for Earthly sins to a hypothetical
afterlife, one can justify any immoral behavior. What is so appealing
about Christianity to authority figures is that they can abuse their
subjects with an absolute moral and spiritual self-righteousness,
knowing that they will be saved by grace for their abuses of
power at the end. I pray for a better cosmic justice, but all seems
hopeless in this world.
2025-01-29 #
When I read about
NKVD Troika, and
how recently that happened in human history, it makes me realize that
humanity hasn't changed at all as a species for millenia. Across
cultures, across time, bad governments are brutal. Nobody ever teaches
one to resist, it's all about producing obedient slaves.
We have to look inward, why are humans innately driven to submission to
authority, just out of personal benefit? This fractal pattern is
omnipresent in human institutions from religion, government,
corporations, academia, and so on. When the system no longer benefits
those who obey, they quickly fall apart. The price of submission is to
be ruled by evil people, the price of rebellion is to be vanquished by
evil people. We are forced into this ultimatum from birth, sentenced to
death from the start.
What is even my goal in life, to resist the dark powers of this world
and pay with my life? Isn't this what living like Christ means, to be a
sacrificial lamb for humanity? I am by no means perfect, but I seek the
truth and for that I may be punished. My divine spark challenges systems
of oppression and may inspire others to do the same, those who submit to
manipulation may cower in fear.
2025-01-26 #
"I have led a toothless life," he thought. "A toothless life. I have
never bitten into anything. I was waiting. I was reserving myself for
later on–and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone. What’s to be
done?" - Jean-Paul Sartre, The Age of Reason (1945)
Am I living a toothless life? It seems that in order to live true to a
belief system, one must make sacrifices, sometimes sacrifing one's own
life. Rebel against tyrants, and they may very well take your life. To
give one's life to Christ, living like Christ, used to mean persecution,
when false believers face persecution because of the word, they quickly
fall away (Mark 4:17). Actual tyrants are never alone, they have entire
systems of government to enforce their rule.
The authorities of this Earth like to play God, human systems are
corrupt and almost universally promote the wrong people to power:
narcissistic sociopaths. They want to surveil everyone with AI on the
Internet and backdoored operating systems and hardware, regulate
everything and make laws so cryptic that everyone is breaking multiple
legalisms a day. The only true solace is that of the mind (and even
there, they want to invade the sanctity of the mind with things like
Neuralink). Most of all, they want to play the role of the righteous God
who smites people, but for arbitrary reasons since they lack moral
authority.
They want to equate rebellion against government with rebellion against
God, because from their perspective they might as well be God. I truly
think that this is an upside-down world, where things are in truth, an
inversion of their face value.
2025-01-23 #
I find myself agreeing with the Gnostic worldview, about divine
knowledge or gnosis over blind faith. A personal path to
spiritual enlightenment over institutions. The God of the Old Testament
being the demiurge intuitively makes more sense than that entity being a
benovolent God. At the same time, I can't help but think these are
unknowable, and it's insane to think that people fought wars over
religion, and are still doing so and will do so until the end of
humanity.
I think that the decline in spirituality is inextricably linked to the
decline in Western hegemony. There's no moral authority for their
rules-based order, which has no rules, isn't orderly, and definitely
isn't based.
2025-01-19 #
I'm mentally exhausted, my belly is full but my mind is empty. So much
of the US economy is fake, it is being propped up by rent-seeking, real
estate, and fake jobs. The AI grifters are scamming not just the public
but Western governments. Cryptocurrency which still has a real chance to
overthrow government-issued fiat, is also full of scammers and clueless
normies. Meanwhile the average young American can't afford to live.
“An honest man falls in love with an honest woman; he wishes, therefore
to marry her, to be the father of her children, to secure her and
himself. All systems of government should be tested by whether he can do
this. If any system—feudal, servile, or barbaric—does, in fact, give him
so large a cabbage-field that he can do it, there is the essence of
liberty and justice. If any system—republican, mercantile, or
Eugenist—does, in fact, give him so small a salary that he can't do it,
there is the essence of eternal tyranny and shame.” ― G.K. Chesterton
Seems like some people are learning via Little Red Book （小红书） that
the American system they live in is one of tyranny and shame, but most
people are subtarded, thanks to the abysmal American education system
and propaganda.
2025-01-16 #
The government wants you to be a good upstanding citizen, or in other
words, an idiot. The better you are, the more they can abuse you with
impunity. Good men are
cowards and slaves. The price of good men doing nothing is to be ruled by evil people.
I think about that meme,
only those who disobeyed, survived. Those who disobey
first get themselves killed. They are often the most courageous and
intelligent, like
Aaron Swartz.
Most of the Apostles of Christ died for their belief, most of today's
followers of Christ are just following the herd. Modern society is
dysgenic by killing their best, not just by force, but
via
IQ shredders.
Will I be forced to die as a martyr with no cause? The total likelihood
that I will die by a meat automaton's hands is fairly small, but
non-zero, and it certainly wouldn't be on my terms. Will I die like a
dog, like the nameless protagonist in Kafka's "The Trial"? I can't
foresee my own death, but before I die I would like to finish my work,
then I can be at peace with death. I can't help but fear being someone
else's sacrificial lamb.
2025-01-14 #
I am humbled that my thoughts on civilization are not original, Rousseau
had the same ideas centuries earlier, in
Discourse on Inequality. I never agreed with the ideas presented in Hobbes's
Leviathan. He was persecuted for his writings, which were
radical and heretical for his time.
2025-01-11 #
Updated the webbed site, now that I have a better sense of what the
information architecture looks like. The old homepage is still available
here. Making 3D art has given me profound
joy, it was spurred on by
one comment on Neocities. I have chosen this as my medium because I suck at drawing, sculpting,
things which I work on with my hands. The advantage is that it's
immediately accessible via the web, and leverages my strongest skill:
programming. I like to focus more on the composition, but I'll improve
my craft and execution on the technical side.
It's funny how much of a curse it is to tell people about what you're
doing. If I mention that I'm working on an artwork, chances are I'll
scrap it or never finish it. Silence is sometimes necessary.
2025-01-09 #
Recall the Book of Job, in which a man's faith is
tested by Satan and God when everything he has is taken away from him.
From this parable, it seems that the benevolent God makes himself known
by allowing Satan to cause tragedy after tragedy, taking away his
wealth, daughters, and painfully disfiguring him. Job questions God,
suggesting that the wicked go unpunished while the good suffer.
Remind anyone of the problems of judicial systems today?
The epilogue of Job's health being restored and things returned to him,
is somehow more unrealistic and implausible than God making himself
known to Job. Perhaps it takes away from the lesson of this parable,
that good people have to suffer, and people of even stronger moral
character suffer more.
2025-01-07 #
What is The Truth™? There's the misconception that
truth prevails over falsity. What the truth is in practice:
- What the average of your closest peers think.
-
Consensus by self-proclaimed experts, bureaucrats, and the political
class.
-
Behind closed doors, the truth is what the most powerful person in the
room believes.
- Information which may harm those in power.
There are narratives which in all likelihood don't tell the whole story,
but the people are powerless to challenge it: might makes right.
2025-01-04 #
Hell is other people. The interpretation of this Sartre
quote at face value is almost always wrong, it doesn't mean that other
people make life miserable (but this is also the case). Once one is
dead, the perception of that person is fixed, it can no longer change,
hence that person is trapped in Hell on Earth. A person is truly dead
when they are forgotten, often this happens before the physical death. I
keep reminding myself of this as I think about my own mortality.
2025-01-01 #
Time is a flat circle. The same things keep happening
over and over. What did I want to do differently in this life? It's
absurd yet also realistic to think that today could be my last day, or
it could be years from now. I think not about how I wish to be
remembered, but how I may be judged by God. Not really sure why I'm here
at all, though my art gives me some sense of fulfillment, and my writing
at least puts my
worldview out in
the æther. This is for sure a Hell realm we inhabit here on Earth.
While kings may be buried with their lavish possessions, I may as well
leave nothing behind but this webbed site. Most people depart this Earth
with nothing but relationships to others, I have relatively few of
those. I don't intend to unalive myself, but I'm pre-occupied with the
thought that life is so short.
There is this concept of the
death drive
which manifests itself in self-destructive behavior. Some might even
argue that a
will-to-death
is what motivates human behavior. Becoming a martyr, whether one chooses
to or not, is a noble death. I disrespect people who mock how people
died, especially their enemies, it reflects that they live for no values
at all.